How to balance everything?

I feel torn. I want to be a great wife/housewife but also want to be a great mom. I somehow can't find out how to balance the two equally. For instance, today I decided to make lots of homemade goodies for Christmas gifts. I have never made candy before but I am pretty good at following directions so I decided to try it. I spent hours in the kitchen making batches of peanut brittle, peppermint bark, and truffles. Tomorrow I am going to attempt fudge and Logan and I are going to make sugar cookies with sprinkles in different Christmas shapes. When I do things like this (which happens rarely) I really enjoy it. I feel like a good housewife. But then I feel guilty, like a bad mom. I neglected the kids and didn't pay enough attention to them and it is only me with them this week. I know they got a few experiences out of my antics. They loved the pounding of the candy canes with the wooden rolling pin.

Later, I would hear "Hit, Hit, Hit" from the kitchen, then Lucas would come crying out of the playroom. I would stop what I was doing to give a timeout, have one apologize to the other then get back to my candy. Then it would happen again but this time Logan would come crying out of the playroom. I am sure that this kind of behavior seems to get worse in my home when I am not paying enough attention to them.

I was reading Logan a new story before bedtime, Puff the Magic Dragon, and it made me stop after hours of not paying the attention to my children as I should have, and think how much they love me and just want me to spend time with them. I loved Puff the Magic Dragon as a child. I don't know if it was the music that goes with it or the fairy tale. But, I ordered the book from scholastic and read/sang it for the first time to Logan and afterward he said "Mom, I really love that book!" Then he said he was going to sleep with it. I smiled to myself, knowing that when he wants to sleep with something it is very special to him. I can't help to think that he liked it so much because of my enthusiasm and special time we had together this evening while reading his new book. Thankfully, children at this age are very forgiving. Maybe a day or two of less attention won't affect them too much after all.

Change of plans

I am a planner. I love to have plans, make plans and count on the plans I made. E and I have had next week all planned out for months. I made tickets for the early flight to go to Virginia for Christmas with E's frequent flier miles so he could drop us off and go to work on time. He was going to take us to the airport, help us get checked in and see us off through security. That was my plan. I was nervous about the plan because I will be traveling with the kids by myself as anyone would be. You just never know who will scream, whine, kick the seat, spill their juice or wrestle with you the entire flight. I always expect the worse and when it is better than that I am pleasantly surprised. Lucas is still on my lap because we are cheap and don't want to pay the extra money. Which means that I am completely exhausted and need a stiff drink when we land.

So, last week E calls me and tells me plans have changed. In addition to him being gone practically the whole month of December, he is now going to be gone the day I need to travel. I listened to his story, tried to act like a nice, supportive wife, then almost had a panic attack. I said to him "So, you are telling me that I have to pack for 2 weeks for the kids, pack the car, get the kids up by 6 am, drive to the airport, park in satellite parking, ride the shuttle bus with 2 children, stroller, luggage and carry ons, check in, get through security, and take a 3 hour flight all by myself!!!" Some days I do feel like super mom but the thought of this really is sending me into a panic attack. Not only does it affect this scenario but also the one where I was planning on picking E up a couple days later at the airport to visit his parents. Now all of those plans have to be re figured out.

I have told this story to a few friends and thankfully I have had some offers of help. I know something will work out. It seems like a whole lot to ask of someone to drive us and help us this early in the morning. It is all E's bosses fault. I know he has to go but it has thrown a wrench in my plans. I hope she gets us a nice Christmas present!